matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
