They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
