We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
