im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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