Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
