see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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