its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
