I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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