I have demons in me.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
