Got a toothbrush?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
