I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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