Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You made out with two different species that night
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
