Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
this hospital has no fireball
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
