brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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