Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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