All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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