my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
