My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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