his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
