I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
