we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
