I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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