Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
