guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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