Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
