you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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