look no pants
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
