I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
A+ Viking dick
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
