i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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