ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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