accomplished twins. life is a go
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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