...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
