She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
