i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
