i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
