i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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