New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
