Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
