I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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