You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
