Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
