when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
