saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
