Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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