So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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