The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
