I think scott just propositioned me for sex
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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