if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
