I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
