I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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