the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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