Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
