Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize