Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
