Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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