Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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