Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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